deepest skys

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deepest skys

Below are the 8 most recent journal entries.



	2006.08.17 20.19 bored I am so bored with life. I mean it's like nothing excites me. My job is so boring to me now. I mean it's nothing exciting to me.Is it bad that I don't what the hell I want to do with my life. I mean do I want to go to another country, move to another state or what. I want to do something that I like doing. And damit I don't know what that is. I don't want to settle down and have kids or anything because well then I wouldn't have a choice. I feel so lonely and in complete. I mean do I want to go back to school but I really don't have time to go back. WTF is wrong with me. Just don't know what to do with myself and well I am not getting any younger.Maybe I need to get high something and waste my life. I'm just so tired of everything. Mood: crappy



	2006.08.07 16.13 tired I am so tired of this job that I have. I mean it's not really hard but it's more work than I ever thought it would ever be. I wish that I didn't have so many obligations so that I could find another job. But the way things are going with gas and everything. I don't see a bright future. Oh well guess I will have to just deal Mood: crappy



	2006.07.28 17.30 i'm back Well I'm back I know that so many of you guys missed me. Ha yeah right. You don't know me at all. But anyways I'm back from my trip to kentucky. Well not pleasure you can guess it's kentucky. For work and all. I'm tired alot of driving that I get tired of doing. Hope everyone is doing okay. On the roads it gives you a lot of time to think. In probably you have guessed a bad way for me. Thinking about life. Well it sucks. My life is just missing something. It feels like I don't have enough excitement. I mean I'm looking for that excitement.Sad because I don't have any friends to do anything with so I spend most of my time working and the rest with my beau.I still feel so empty like something is missing. Sometimes I just want the club life and then there are the other times I just want to be settled down with a family but I really don't feel that I'm old enough. I mean I want to have a baby when I have some money to do so. And make sure that I am married. Well enough about me tell me about you guys. Well here is something that my long distance friend sent me( I thought it was funny):You got to love this guy. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best ma n and said, "F--- you!" Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this? Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000. Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000 Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui: $8,500 The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD! "Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches, it's more like a jar of Jalapenos--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow... Mood: crazy



	2006.07.21 05.27 my life I don't know what to really say about my life. Me and my beau are not getting along at all. I feel fat. Just everything is wrong. The job is well a job. A lot of work that I really don't like doing but I'm stuck. It rained here a lot so I didn't get much work done. I'm just lost at words of what's wrong with me.I feel so lonely. No friends and no one to talk to. I mean my best friend is married so we don't talk at all. And she is in another state. So what am I to do with my time. Nothing at all. Guess I will learn how to cook and well find something to do.AHHH!!! Woe is me!!! Mood: blank



	2006.07.20 06.16 exhausted I am so tired. Today was a long and hotter day. Well I have come to the conclusion that I need to really lose some weight. I weigh like 135 lbs. and that means that I an fat. I have never been this big. I don;t know if it is the birth control or what.Well can't get rid of that.So I missed yesterday but everynight before I go to bed I will do some exercises. I feel so depressed about my weight and just life. I really wanted to model when I was younger, now I feel like I'm too old. I mean I still want to model so bad. I mean I want to be in the spot light. I feel like my days have been slipping away. I want go to clubs and be noticed. I don't know I just want my picture to be some where. I know I'm just babbling but I see so many young girls living the life I want to live and it depresses me because I don't have that. Maybe this is just nothing at all, I wish that I had support. Mood: blank



	2006.07.19 19.57 long day today was an absolutely long and hot day. words can not explain how hot it was outside. first of all I work outside traveling to different locations. Keeps you on your toes. Well today I caught a migrane. Man did it hurt really. So bad that I could barely drive home. I know that this is nothing special but I just had a really bad day. My job is just not a place in which I would recommend.I'm just stressed out right now. Things are not the way I thought that they would be. But I should thank my lucky stars because I could be that guy that is lying outstide right now. So for that I should not complain and thank the great man as we know upstairs. Mood: cold



	2006.07.18 17.47 Notebook I just finished watching the notebook. I know that this is a movie that is not new but old. It was so sweet to me. I mean I cried which is not hard for me to do but I mean it just makes you wonder is that love still out there. That is a love that I want but I know that I won't be able to find it. I have been through so much in my life. My current relationship and past. It's funny to me because right now I have someone that really wants to be with me.But I mean I'm not really attracted to him I mean he could give me the world. And then there is my current beau I mean it's not the greatest, I know most relationships aren't but this one has been sort of well bad. I just wish that he could be the guy that wants to give me the world. It's funny to me who we as women settle for the guys that are not right for us than the ones that could give it all to us. I'm lost as to what to do.But at the same time I wonder if that would make me happy.I just wished he loved me or well loved me more than he shows me. I want to be appreciated. I want flowers not all the time but some times. Things to just show me you care. How about a back massage?? I'll take the simple things in life. But I can't get that. I just deal hoping that it gets better, and cry myself to sleep because I know in all reality it's not. Mood: blank



	2006.07.17 22.31 up late Well I'm up late thinking about somethings in my life. It so hard being with someone when you know that they really don't care much for you at all. I am so tired of being depressed, I mean must I always feel this way or will I ever be happy. Maybe I just need to take drugs like everyone else. Mood: crappy